Friday, July 27, 2012

14 Weeks!

I skipped the picture post last week. Bad momma! Seriously, though, my morning sickness returned with a vengeance and we had a very busy weekend. I'm going to try really hard not to skip it again though because I want to have these keepsakes! Here is me at 14 weeks pregnant:


Baby Main is now the size of a lemon (about 3.4 inches)!

The most exciting baby news this week has nothing to do with Baby Main...and I couldn't be happier about it. Friends of ours who are not able to have biological children have been in the process of adopting for a little while now. Yesterday, out of the blue, they got "THE CALL"! A baby boy was born the day before yesterday and they are his parents now! They go pick him up today after what must have been an extremely busy and sleepless night preparing. Everyone had expected the process to take much longer, but this is just the most amazing surprise ever! I have been incredibly emotional every time I think of how they're going to meet their son and bring him home today. Seriously, I've cried more about their baby than I did when I found out that Dave and I were pregnant. They're the most deserving people and have wanted a child for so long...it's truly a blessing and a miracle. I can't wait to see pictures of him and find out what his name is and get my hands on that little man just as soon as I can!


As for me, my morning sickness came back worse than ever...but I think I'm finally in the clear. I haven't been sick in three days and am feeling much better. Here's hoping that it sticks! I've still been exhausted and am waiting for that magical energy boost that the second trimester is supposed to bring. We also got some nursery furniture last weekend, so I'll post about that once it's all assembled!

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Thoughts about TTC

I know that I'm a day late on my 13 week picture post, but I have some other thoughts to share today. Picture post should be up tomorrow!

When we were trying to get pregnant, every month seemed like an eternity. In reality, we only had to try for 14 months...which in the grand scheme of things isn't really that long. At the time, though, I felt so defeated. I started to think that we would never get pregnant without IVF. We were really, really lucky in a sense because my doctor didn't make us try on our own for the traditional year before getting help. When I was about 20, I was diagnosed with chronic anovulation, which means I don't ovulate. My doctor at the time told me that I would probably never have children. I remember being so devastated by that news, even though the thought of having children wasn't even remotely on my radar at the time. When my husband and I were ready to try to conceive, we sought help right away and ultimately entered into a vicious cycle of hope and grief. I lived every single cycle in two week increments, waiting to ovulate (with medication), and then wishing and hoping I might be pregnant, before the evil witch would finally show her face....usually days or even a week late. I cried more tears in some of those months than I've ever cried in my life. I just wished so badly that I could be normal and get pregnant like a regular person. Thankfully, I had a lot of support. My mom listened to me cry more times than I could ever count and never once had a single negative thing to say. Our tailgate parties turned into early morning conversations about fertility drugs and ovulation and timed intercourse, and my girlfriends (and some of the guys!) never complained. They listened with kindness and reassured me that it would happen for us. Other friends from different facets of my life reached out to me because they, too, were struggling with infertility. Those were probably some of the most special connections because they really did know what I was feeling. My husband, especially, was my absolute rock. He held me while I cried, he let me go through the extreme range of emotions I experienced every time we found out that friends were expecting. He never once doubted that we would have a child someday, no matter how that happened. I was the negative one. I doubted every month that we could ever get pregnant. I hated myself sometimes for the extreme jealousy I felt towards friends who got pregnant so easily. Most of all I hated how weak I felt...what a failure of a wife I felt like for not being able to give my husband a child. When couples struggle with infertility, they're encouraged not to place blame on each other. I know that my husband never ever blamed me, but I blamed myself because I WAS the reason that we couldn't get pregnant. My body didn't work the way it was supposed to. Some days I wondered if God was trying to tell us that we weren't meant to have a child. The phrase "It will happen in God's time" is still one that I don't really understand. It seems to imply that God thinks some people are more worthy of being parents than others. That just doesn't sound right to me. Then again, faith in God is a powerful thing, and I know that we had a lot of people praying for us...so maybe there really is something to it after all.

When we actually did conceive, I was shocked. Even my fertility specialist didn't think that the IUI would work...so I didn't put a lot of faith into the process. I think some days I still don't even believe it because I can't feel the baby yet. I'm also a little scared, because this thing that we wanted so badly to happen finally did, and now our lives are going to change drastically in every way. That's a scary thought! I'm so incredibly excited though too. I daydream about what our baby will look like...what his or her personality will be like...what kind of kid he or she will be. I want so badly for our child to have the best of both of us...my love of singing and reading, my ability to make friends with just about everyone. Dave's sarcasm and wit, his intelligence, his steadfast kindness. Some days I feel guilty too, for getting pregnant and staying pregnant when friends of ours haven't yet, or won't ever be able to. Those are hard days, because while I'm so incredibly happy for us, my heart hurts for the couples that we know who want and deserve children so badly and don't have any yet. One thing that this whole journey has taught me is that life truly isn't fair. I'm just so thankful everyday for this little life growing inside of me, for my amazing husband who I love more each and every day, for the health of our friends and family, and for our home and the stability it will provide to our future family. Life isn't always fair, but it's times like this that I remember to count it all joy.

Friday, July 13, 2012

12 Weeks!

Today I am 12 weeks pregnant! Some pregnancy calculators say that this is the start of the second trimester, but others say 13 or 14 weeks is. Technically, a pregnancy divided into three equal parts is about 13 weeks and 3 days. Anyway, I would like to think I'm starting the second trimester today! My pregnancy calendar on www.justmommies.com said this:

                                                                      Day 84
                                                                     
12 wks
    Fri, Jul 13
      Congratulations! You have completed your first trimester.

So, that's what I'm going to go with! I am very excited to be in the second trimester. The first one seemed to really drag by! I've already been feeling SO much better, and have only gotten sick twice in the last week. Strangely, both times were in the middle of the night and I got really, really ill...not like my usual morning sickness. I'm thinking it might be because of my prenatal vitamin. I've been eating small dinners lately because I haven't been too hungry in the evenings and I'm thinking I just need to have more in my stomach before swallowing the horse pills. Plus, I take a DHA supplement along with the vitamin, so that could be causing problems too. I guess I'll have to start adding a small evening snack! Here is my 12 week photo:


I'm still down ten pounds since before getting pregnant, but I definitely feel like my stomach is getting bigger lately! We had our 12 week OB appointment yesterday and everything went great. I was so nervous that the nurse wouldn't be able to find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler because I'm a heavier girl, but she found it right away! Baby's heart rate was 164, which is just perfect. I still think it's a girl ;) Dr. Horton didn't even examine me or anything, since I had just had my annual exam right before we got pregnant. She talked a little bit about my blood tests and the 24 hour urine test I did and said everything came back great. My blood pressure was a little high, but she wasn't concerned at all. She did mention that because I have a history of high blood pressure, I will most likely be monitored more frequently towards the end of pregnancy, which doesn't bother me one bit! Also, I most likely won't be allowed to carry to 40 weeks. With my high blood pressure, she would prefer to induce at 39 weeks, or maybe sooner. So, I think we can safely say that Baby Main will be here before January 25! I have another routine appointment in a few weeks, and then the BIG appointment is August 31...we'll get to find out the GENDER! I am beyond excited and can't wait to know what baby is :) I still slip and call it "her" or "baby girl" sometimes, so we'll see if my hunch is correct! I'm going to skip the little survey this week, as nothing is really new. No new stretch marks yet, still living in dresses, and still craving sweets! We are heading up north to go camping at a little cabin with 23 other friends. It'll be interesting not drinking, but hopefully I can still have a great time!

Friday, July 6, 2012

11 Weeks!

I'm 11 weeks pregnant today! Thankfully, this last week I have been feeling SO much better. I'm still exhausted, but I've had the week off work and have been taking lots of naps. I am very happy to say that I haven't thrown up in over a week! Here's my 11 week pic:



Baby Main is now the size of a large lime!
It's crazy to think how much s/he has been growing lately! Here's my 11 week survey:

How far along: 11 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: - 9 pounds total, + 1 pound from last week
Maternity clothes: Still none. I'm really going to try to make it until September before buying anything.
Stretch marks: Nothing new
Sleep: It's been crazy hot this week, so sleep hasn't been really easy.
Best moment this week: Boating with friends on the 4th and lots of naps!
Movement: I swear I felt some flutters last night, but it was probably just gas bubbles!
Food cravings: Ice cream sandwiches this week. 
Gender: Unknown.
Labor Signs: None.
Belly Button in or out: In
What I miss: Reading and sleeping on my stomach. I'm definitely too uncomfortable when I try.
What I am looking forward to: Going to Detroit for Dave's birthday this weekend.
Milestones: I *think* I'm past the morning sickness phase!




Sunday, July 1, 2012

10 Week Picture and Survey

I mentioned a few days ago that I really want to start taking pictures to document the size of my belly. Just a heads up that I don't think I'll ever take a bare belly photograph, sorry folks! What's there isn't pretty to begin with and I can imagine it's only going to get worse. I am, however, looking forward to one day actually looking pregnant instead of just chubby! Here's me at 10 weeks:


There's definitely a little something going on there, but as of right now I'm pretty sure that it's just some extra pounds coupled with the PF Changs leftovers I ate for lunch! I thought it would be fun to do a little pregnancy survey every week to see how things in my life are changing as the pregnancy progresses:

How far along: 10 weeks 2 days
Total weight gain/loss: - 10 pounds
Maternity clothes: None yet, thank goodness! I'm just living in flowy sundresses for now.
Stretch marks: Nothing new
Sleep: Starting to get a little uncomfortable. I'm a tummy sleeper and pretty soon it just won't be possible!
Best moment this week: Our last minute ultrasound and knowing that Baby is ok.
Movement: None yet and I doubt I'll feel anything for at least a month or more.
Food cravings: Sugar! Gah, terrible, I know. 
Gender: Unknown so far
Labor Signs: None, whew!
Belly Button in or out: In
What I miss: Wine! Enough said. Coffee too, although I have a small cup occasionally.
What I am looking forward to: The 4th of July and boating with friends.
Milestones: Baby is 1/4 of the way baked!

New Window Blinds!

The new window blinds for the nursery arrived yesterday! We got down to business today and installed them...and when I say "we", I mean that my husband did most of the work and I stood around pacing. We replaced the old cellular blinds with wooden blinds, and while I love the way that they look they are a total pain in the a** to install because of our plaster walls and metal window frames. Thankfully, Dave was able to finally get them up and I love how they turned out! They have a blackout liner on the back of them, but unfortunately because the blinds don't sit completely flush to the window, a little light gets through. They're still a huge improvement over the old, very sheer blinds, so I think they'll work out great! I plan to add a custom sewn window valance and curtain rod to the top of the blinds, so those will cover up the wood valances they came with. I can't wait to see the finished product! Here is a picture of the old blinds:


And here are the newly installed wood blinds:


Unfortunately the difference in light made it hard to get an accurate shot of the wall color, but the top picture is more true-to-life than the bottom one. That's one task checked off the to-do list!